I know I’m going to catch hell for this one.
I get it. Cishet men actually fall in love through the Friend Zone. They meet someone, they become friends, but then that friendship becomes a deeper emotional connection. Or their needy ass fell for the first attractive woman who was nice to them. Either way, the way to a man’s heart is through his friendship, not his stomach.
I learned to cook for nothing.
The problem with this little methodology is that dudes get way too invested in their lady friends before even gauging how she feels about a deeper relationship. Her yes becomes not a light, fun, possibility, but something you’re so fucking invested in, if you don’t get it you will crumble to dust. The stakes are so high some of you get reeeeeeeal manipulative. And this is where I have to tell you to let go some of that anxiety.
Ask sooner. Ask the chick out on the coffee date the first time you feel like you wanna get at her. You know why? Because as the bitch on the other side of all your tender feel-feels I would love to know what I’m dealing with. I’ve had guys in the past try to do the friends-to-romance dance with me, not tell me that’s what he was doing, and end up screaming in pain when I step on him with my metaphorical kitten heel. I’m busy. I don’t have time to notice your adorable little cues. This is not 500 Days of Summer. Own up or shut up. I don’t have time for guessing games.
But it helps the guy to ask sooner too. If he asks sooner, it’s like a pressure release valve. The thing is done. The answer dealt. Maybe it was even a yes. Either way, it stops rumination in its tracks. And do you really wanna be ruminating over yet another lady friend?
Choose sanity. Use your words. You might even get the girl.
—Love, Joolz