Love, Joolz Production Blog Art

And the spicy ass gossip that created this thing

Man, this artwork came out so good. But how this came to be is a hell of a story.

I’ve been needing to update my website banners for a while now. The Apocalypse Garden banner has kind of been up too long and I still haven’t even compiled that book. So, probably best to move forward with something fresh and me. Here’s the full design.

The full size design

This design actually began its life as promo art for an event. No big deal. I’d been acquainted with the folks who ran this event for a while. I felt like I could trust these people to be decent to work with.

I was wrong.

Artists’s Conception of the Hamster Man

The lead guy for all this is a dude who looks like a hamster. We’re gonna call him Hamster Man. Hamster Man is pretty high up the food chain for the Organization and is a key decision maker. I thought I knew Hamster Man, but this venture taught me two things I wish I had known about Hamster Man. One, Hamster Man is a guy who seems successful but is actually a two-time college drop out with few real professional successes. Two, Hamster Man apparently holds grudges. That’s going to come back later.

The layout sketch for this artwork

So I start the layouts on the Promo art design. For those of you who don’t know, Layouts are really simple sketches of what the final artwork is going to look like. A good artist can crack one of these out in a few minutes, which is the idea. A layout is a small, sketchy way to communicate to my clients what kind of artwork I propose to create. Now, I know this organization can be really picky about what they want on their promo art, so I went into people-pleaser mode and tried to give them everything they wanted. I even got some help from another artist for a layout idea. I figured if I could guess what these people wanted, I could get an approval no problem.

Guess what Hamster Man had to say about that.

“You can’t use another layout artist for this assignment,” he says. “We can only credit ONE ARTIST for the promo art. And that better be you.”

What the fuck did you just say to me, sir?

Was Mr. 2x College Dropout telling me how to run my studio? Was he telling me I can’t hire a subcontractor to do my actual job? The job I have and he doesn’t? Because Hamster Man is not a freelancer like me. Hamster Man has a much cozier life than me, not even having to pay rent. So of course he never deals with subcontractors.

I’m more than spilling tea today. I’m kicking over the whole damn kettle.

I decided it’s not worth getting into an argument with Hamster Man over my Layout artist and play ball. I focused on this surfboard design that the other organizers seemed to like. Fine. Whatever. I can draw me with a surfboard if it makes these people happy.

But I won’t do it for free.

One of the very first questions I asked the organizers of the thingie is “What is your budget?” That’s Freelancing 101. I ask clients for what their budget is because they very well may not be able to afford me. When I asked what the budget was for the promo art, all Hamster Man said to me was “Send us an invoice and some other documents. We’ll take care of the rest.”

Cool. I’m good at sending stuff.

I sent in my invoice with the added question of “Okay, what’s your preferred method of payment?” Every job is different. Some folks are cool with paying with Paypal. Some folks want to do a credit card payment. Some folks will even make me wait for a check via Snail Mail (my least favorite, I only do for local companies). I had no idea what response to expect. (In hindsight, I should’ve just asked for a check.)

The Organization informed me I had to get this artwork ready in a hurry. It was due not long after SDCC. I told the Organizers that I could finish the design no problem (which means I worked on this during the show. Thanks, for cramping my show, dickheads.)

But what was the word on paying my invoice? I’m still not doing this shit for free.

Nothing. No response for over a week. Apparently I’m supposed to get my artwork done on time and lickety split for these people and to their exacting specifications (there were several rounds of notes) for no fucking money. I wasn’t going to do that. I’m not like Hamster Man. I actually have rent to pay.

As the kids say, I stood on business, telling the Organizers they weren’t getting any artwork out of me unless they paid me at least half my invoice as a deposit. This artwork would be used to sell the entire event. My face is on that thing. These people wanted to use my face and my personality to sell their thingie, but when it came to compensating me for my image, magically they went silent. I’m not stupid. I know when I’m being ghosted by a freelance gig.

In all likelihood, these Organizers couldn’t afford me. I charged them “Pay my rent in Southern California” money. That’s what I’m worth. I’m rare. If they didn’t like it, they could go find the other syndicated Latina cartoonist surfer on the SoCal artist circuit. Oh wait. She doesn’t exist. I’m not upset they can’t afford me. In these hard times, we’re all struggling. I’m cool with folks not being able to afford my actual freelance rates. Where I take issue is the fact that the organizers didn’t communicate any of this to me. They hung me out to dry, which is unprofessional and cowardly.

But what else should I have expected from a College Drop-Out whose career was dead on arrival?

And it gets worse. Remember the beef with the layouts? How Hamster Man really, really hated the idea of me using another Layout Artist? It turns out that was a personal beef. Hamster Man had some dust up with my Layout Artist in the past, and still felt butt hurt about it. Once again, I’m not stupid. I can sense when someone is being a dick to me over petty bullshit. And when my Layout Artist informed me about the past clownfoolery, the picture clicked into sick focus.

Hamster Man was giving me shit over the alternate layout because he has a grudge against my Layout Artist.

I mean that’s the level of professionalism I should expect from a dude who dropped out of college twice and hasn’t improved his art since the 90’s. Petty. Small. No wonder Marvel ain’t hiring him. I overestimated this dude’s ability to be an adult about this situation with the Layout Artist. That’s what I get for banking on knaves and fools.

Once I figured out that I was Definitely Not Getting My Money, I decided to steal this artwork back from the organization and use it for myself. Clearly, it’s a better use of my talents. I’d rather use my skills to promote me and not some Organization trying to scam free work out of me.

I did write an email to sever ties with these people once and for all. But it was actually TOO mean. Would I have gotten a huge amount of satisfaction telling these idiots about themselves? Absolutely. But would it be productive? Talking to these assholes is like talking to a brick wall. Once a client tells me they don’t think I’m worth the money I’m charging, there’s nothing else to talk about. They’re broke and I don’t have time for these shenanigans. The greatest irony about me not sending the vicious email: the dude who talked me out of sending it was the Layout Artist himself.

These people did not deserve his mercy.

The most important thing you need to know about the email is that I definitely would’ve told them how unprofessional, disrespectful, and disorganized they are. I also told them that I am Not The One to Fuck With, which they would know if they actually read my work. (They don’t.) I’m never working with people so cowardly, predatory, and cheap ever again.

So moving forward, this is my site banner! I’m very proud to have stolen my own artwork back for my own use. My face should be used to promote what I do. Not what my detractors want from me.

And of course the most important lesson of all: Never fuck with a Puerto Rican or the way we do business. Even Jerry Seinfeld knows that.

El Sucre, a Puerto Rican Sugar Baron who threatens Jerry Seinfeld’s life while doing a business deal in the movie Unfrosted. The threat of Puerto Rican retribution is the only truth in this whole movie.

I hope you all learned something.

-Love, Joolz