It’s time for an early Christmas present! Yay!
I’m starting the season right by giving myself the gift of clarity. Girl, nothing feels better than just knowing what your situation is. Emotionally speaking. All my life, I’ve been in social situations where if I feel hurt or contemptuous about something someone said or did, I was told to keep that shit to myself. I was just a kid so I didn’t have the words to say “I am not angry, I am outraged at XYZ’s total lack of respect.” All my life I’ve been conditioned to tolerate disrespect and things that make me feel contempt. Except I’m not good at stuffing down the contempt until it becomes depression. Oh, no. I seethe. I burn like an angry ember and the resentment seeps out of my pores. And into my words. In other words, if I’m around some people or some other shit I don’t feel comfortable with, and I can’t leave, I turn into a bitch. I’ll make mean, cutting remarks because that was my only acceptable defense my whole life growing up. Like, guys, my logo has literal knives in it.
I mean…?
But now that I’ve had some experiences and learned some lessons, I do need to be more mindful of what situations fill me up with total fucking contempt to the point where I’ll make resentful, bitchy remarks to people around me. I need to cut down on the collateral damage. I’m fine with throwing knives at the people who are actually dickheads to me, but I’ve gotta be mindful of innocent bystanders. I want to be mindful for me too. I don’t wanna live this way. I don’t want to be in places that make me feel this way. I want to be in places that make me feel peaceful, at ease, and accepted. And most of all, respected. Self-awareness is the way.
With this comic, mindfulness comes in the fantasy of a gizmo that’ll tell me what I’ve been repressing all my life: The voice in my head that tells me I don’t like this place. I don’t want to be here. I shouldn’t have to take this abuse. That voice. The one I’ve been told to ignore. If I can fantasize about a doodad that restores my way of keeping balance within myself, that’s the greatest gift I can give myself.
The reason why art is so powerful is that it can inspire our dreams. And I dare to dream of a life where my own impulses aren’t shouted down by someone else and I get to live free of contempt.
Merry Christmas, cartoon-me. This year, you’re getting a better you.
Love, Joolz